Eleanor Roosevelt (Historical Record)

In the early decades of the 20th century, the Women's Suffragist Movement was turning the tides of American culture, bolstering the feminist viewpoint, and paving the way for ladies everywhere (everywhere = the continental United States)(you don't want to know what was happening in Hawaii...). What the Susan B. Anthony's and Elizabeth Stanton's of the day did not realize was that they were not just changing the course of women's rights; they were setting into play a set of variables that, when combined, would create a true force of nature ten times more powerful than the ancient gods of myth and a hundred-fold more rooted in reality.

A woman. A dragon-lady that even the simplest fool knew not to cross. A weapon with more megaton force than all of the combined engines of destruction dreamed up by the Manhattan Project. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Anna Eleanor Roosevelt. A woman who defied the shackles that society placed upon her in order to rise up and single-handedly thwart the ambitions of Hitler and Tojo.

Now, while there might be some slight hyperbole in the above statements, let's take a moment to look at some actual true facts about Eleanor Roosevelt (again, these are true, according to TIME magazine):

. During FDR's vast presidency, she declined Secret Service protection in lieu of her own personal handgun she kept on her body at all times. A mankiller for which she did have a permit for, thank you very much.

. Eleanor Roosevelt is the only First Lady to have a Klu Klux Klan bounty posted on her. For her death. As in, she was marked for death by a secret nationwide cabal that existed solely to promote injustice and hatred.

. In her spare time (when she wasn't dodging racist assassins), she worked in the crime ridden slums of the Lower East Side to teach underprivileged children how to read. Not only were these mean streets already a host of unknown dangerous elements, but they were also perfect places to be gunned down by behooded killers with visions of glory in their eyes! And she never got a scratch on her! And let's not lie, even if she was shot, I don't think I'm going out on a limb by assuming she would probably have taken the bullet out and sewn up the wound by herself.

. Her (at the time) secret FBI file was over 4000 pages. And get this: it was single spaced.


Simply put, Eleanor Roosevelt challenged the status quo at every turn, and did it in a time before shoulder pads and pant suits were acceptable parts of everyday wear. At a time when most ladies were cleaning up messes in the kitchen, Eleanor was cleaning up history's greatest evils and illiteracy (which, actually, is another one of history's greatest evils). She was a nationwide newspaper columnist, a charter member of the first United Nations delegation, and a world class fencer (probably). At the end of the day, there was only one thing Anna Eleanor Roosevelt was not: just a woman.

For your viewing pleasure, Eleanor tells a joke about those zany japs:

Badassery Quotient: 180%
What it would take for me to fuck with him/her: Man, I don't know. If the KKK didn't have the stones to fuck with her, I'm gonna have to go with: the only known cure for polio, for use as a bargaining chip.